the week that followed

Daddy and his children 

cousins on the roof after the funeral
 

Mama died over a week ago and the days around it have been a time warp. I realized TODAY that Thanksgiving is in one week. November slipped by without my noticing. 

Our very last minute decision to drive to Birmingham November 4th weekend proved to be such a gift of time with Mama, Daddy, Sarah, Will and Mary Beth. It's a rare treat to have time with my parents and siblings together for extended days, and this time was most precious. We were all together Sunday night, once Will arrived, to read through the Book of Common Prayer Ritual of the Dying together, sing hymns, and catch up. The next morning I took Daddy for a nerve block to help his aching hip/back and came home to all be together. Mama's oxygen had dropped from 93% Sunday to 50% Monday. Their pastor Bill Boyd came after lunch and we, again, prayed, sang and talked about books, music and other things we love while sitting at the foot of my parents' bed. Mama left us peacefully about 3:45 Monday November 7th. She was unable to verbalize anything or even squeeze our hands those final days. Her little 82 pound body passed into heaven to be made whole again in the arms of her Savior.  

I realize now that the next days were a cocoon of love, laughter, sadness, planning, and processing I needed. Eating at La Paz and working on Mama's obituary story was actually fun. Our brunch together was a building up time before facing hundreds of friends and family in the night and day that followed. To hear "Your mama was such a good friend who made me feel important" from more than two or three people helped me see how important she is to so many of us. Seeing that nearly 75% of her 20 nieces and nephews came to celebrate and share our sorrows brought a smile to my face and sweet stories during our time together. When one of the kids said it was strange to have a party after a funeral Alice said, "No it isn't. Mimi is celebrating with Jesus now." Now Sawyer didn't have a deep reaction, but he's four and that's okay. When Mark told him Mimi died Sawyer asked "Who gets Mimi's iPad?" Made me laugh out loud!

I'm back in Virginia now and plugging along. It first felt like a sibling got married: sore feet, good food, fun friends and family, total exhaustion, but we didn't gain an in-law we lost our mom.  I'm outside of the cocoon and feel a little lonely with my sadness. I'm glad for my husband, home and family but no one else I see knows my history, Mama's story, or our closeness. Parents on the playground are sympathetic but don't get it. They don't really have to; we haven't been here long. I'm grateful to have friends over the river in Maryland and glad their support is nearby. These most recent months of Mama's suffering made it easier to say goodbye and that was preparation I didn't know I'd need so much. 

Stegalls on Friday night